When I was pregnant I built the most delicious nest for my first born child. It was a jungle room complete with vines covering the entire ceiling. His Gramps bought him a top of the line crib and I placed it right next to the window. I imagined he would spend hours peaking out at the world from under the matching blanket covers. And then I met my son.
From the beginning he was my guide. He slept next to me because it was warmer and cozier and much much safer then a crib in the next room. I felt this when I placed him there and he looked to me with a tear stricken face. He napped snuggled up in a sling close to my body. And he nursed when he wanted, not on the schedule well meaning folks encouraged me to put him on. My heart knew then, that I would need to break some rules that I had always known, in order to be the mom he needed. He was the first, his brother confirmed and strengthened this truth.
This path, of attachment, of peacefulness has stayed mine for the simple reason that nothing else made sense. There was never a time, when imposing rules or applying discipline appeared more important than, loving and nurturing what was unfolding in front of me. Yes, there have been moments and times where a path might of looked greener then my own, but always I could find my way back. For me, having a foundation of intention and a tool box of breath deeply, listen more and talk less is how I have regained my footing, on those rougher days.
When I meet others starting or curious about throwing caution to the wind, embracing more love and less discipline, I say, trust, in your heart and what it knows to be true for your children, for you. Be patient with all the parts of you and of them, that need healing and find that one person who can hold your hand along the way. In real life, virtually, through a phone, at least one person, who knows the pitfalls and can see you there and simply lift you up, back to where you were headed.
Now, as tweens and tees are upon us, I see these same fresh to the world faces, looking to me to be there. To be that anchor they need, as they stretch out further and confirm who they know they are and this anchor tethers us no matter the distance. It’s this, this evidence of intact relationship that is my most treasured part of the journey so far.
And as I gather my own wishes, for my children, it’s simple, that they, for all the ages and stages, may love exactly who they are.