Okay we are getting close to the big day and I’ve been humming and hawing about the final task the final thing. And then I ended up over thinking and going to a very yucky place. I suffer at times from a wee bit of perfectionism, which really can be stripped back to a place of not feeling good enough. It’s a dark and ugly place that I have spent a significant amount of time escaping from. I know the triggers and kick back and physical signs that I am headed there but sometimes I forget to pick up on them. Until my body gives me a big message and I have no choice but to chill the heck out. Thankfully, I am 100 percent better at kicking this not good enough perfectionist behavior in the ass and rising above it in record time.
While I was down there though, I had a huge aha. I was putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself to do something rather outstanding as my final thing before turning 40. I have been known to have some ridiculous expectations of myself. In doing all of this self doubting, I disqualified a bunch of things I had done, that were enough!
So this post is to let you know I have indeed surpassed my goal of doing 40 new things in 365 days. Here in this post I will share with you all those things I thought weren’t good enough to blog about. Cause they were, they were new, they were never before done by me and they kick me over my goal.
I made Thai food. Yep, it was Pad Thai and I got the recipe from the most amazing Heather over at Eclectic Reality and I highly encourage you all to head over there and try it out.
I hooped in front of a large crowd. Now true they were there to listen to the band that was playing. But a group of use hoopers got right in front of the crowd and showed our stuff. There were lots of folks and it was a bit nerve racking. Thankfully the band was playing kick ass eighties cover tunes and I could loose myself in the music and just dance.
I flew alone for the first time since birthing children. Now I know it wasn’t my first ever flight and this is how I talked myself out of writing about it. But it kinda of was a first flight. Likely I could write a book on how I am so very different as a human being after transitioning in to the world of motherhood, making me feel like a brand new person getting on that plane. It was also the first time I put myself up in the air leaving behind folks that really depended on me and needed me to come back alive. That took a whole different sort of courage then I ever needed to get on a plane in my single hood.
And I opened an Etsy shop. This one is a brand new thing that I’ve been doing this week. I am super nervous and unsure what direction it will move in. For now there is one thing in there that I created with my own hands. That was the easy part. Putting it in to the world and offering to sell it took some serious conversations with the sorts of demons that like to knock back my creative desires. It’s here if you wanna peak.
In my aha moment of realizing the pressure, seeing the demons and embracing all that is imperfect was that I truly am in this very right now moment enough. This journey is uniquely mine and it will never look like someone else’s. So it wastes only my precious moments and limited energy to look outside of my own self for validation, confirmation or comparison. I can lend myself the same unconditional acceptance I offer my family and my friends. Heck, it’s likely true there will be a lot more to go around if I first serve the gift up to myself.