My oldest son is changing at what most days feels like warp speed. I am holding on with barely a fingernail to the cliff. Just yesterday I was throwing a woe is me pity party in my head (and not out loud cause I have at least learned that much). It all sounded something like this ..
“Oh my god I’ve screwed it all up.”
“He doesn’t want to share with me.”
“He’s completely peer oriented.”
“How the fuck did he get so rude?”
And on and on went this internal dialogue that is all caught up in my own time at that age, the people I had around me and the demons who regularly lurk at the edges of my confidence.
I know my go to pattern is to withdraw love. I can actually feel it happening in the moment. And for whatever reason in my irrational mind this feels like a reasonable thing to do when dealing with someone who’s size is the same as mine. It is easy to jump to a place where I treat him like a full adult. But he’s not there yet. And this is my practice right now. To love more.
My tween (dipping his toes dangerously close to being a teen) lashing out at me is NO more about me then when his toddler self would throw a temper tantrum. It’s a cue that he is overwhelmed. And the best thing I can do is hold the space with him.