I over sorry on a very regular basis. This got me to thinking what am I truly apologizing for? Or am I truly apologizing?
As a parent I have never required my children to apologize. I have trusted they would figure out those situations where they truly felt regret or remorse and apply the accurate apology. I notice however, my oldest is indeed sorry using a lot.
My thoughts on this ? First up he clearly learned if from someone he loves (namely me). And that saying such things are “you don’t need to be sorry for that, ” or ” please stop using that word so much” weren’t really moving anything forward.
Deeper thought clearly required on my part. I realized most of my sorry sentences could be switched around to say “sorry for taking up space,” ” sorry for rocking the boat,” “sorry for being in your space with a conflicting opinion,”
Aha, this is why I am agitated and requesting my son stop sorrying so much, I don’t want him to be sorry for the things I am modeling one can end up apologizing for. Deep breath in deep breath out.
Good information to have. And the moving forward stage ?
Probably a good idea to reclaim the word. And use sorry only when I feel like it could complete the sentence, “I regret …. ” or “I feel remorseful for … ” Challenging? Yes! I am up for it and I have decided on a step further, to ditch the word sorry all together. I am going to take the path that requires I insert the afore mentioned sentence starters in place of a simple sorry. If I can’t complete the sentence I will sit and bite my tongue until the urge to say sorry passes.
Only time will tell if I can really pull it off. But truthfully the value is in the place where I noticed and wrapped my brain around the whole idea.
Hey Shan, great idea to consider this well. You are so smart and such an inspiring Mum! So many times we watch our young people behave in ways that we want to stop without considering our part or how we interact in the world in this area. I truly believe that stopping and taking the time to notice our own behaviours and doing our own personal work is the best way to influence our young ones. It takes courage to look at life this way, because we are forced to feel some uncomfortable feelings, and I’ve found it’s the best for me to experience true growth.
Keep up the excellent work….love you to bits xoxo